Nothing like starting off an entry with some good ol' Japanophile title. (But really, I studied Japanese seriously in college so it's okay, I can use it, guys. Haha?)

Erm... but anyway, I haven't posted anything in here in months, and I'm not really sure why. Okay, okay, I DO know why: my lack of posting here is the result of most of my friends leaving this site or not really keeping up with it anymore, as well as me following one of my friends to another journaling site. Also, I've suddenly become terrified of everyone on my friends list who has never actually met me; undoubtedly y'all are going to start wondering why the hell you ever friended me in the first place, heh.

And also, my life kinda sucks right now. But it's nobody's fault but mine: my surroundings are far from the worst they could possibly be, but my mindset is... not. After I graduated college, I was plunged into that limbo of being in the big, bad, official "real world" and yet, I still felt like a scared little freshman with no skills or goals or direction. I guess that'd explain why I'm currently working a dead-end job that has no relation to what I studied in school whatsoever. (And I refuse to blame the economy. Yes, it's terrible right now, but I've beaten incredible odds and been uncannily lucky in almost everything I've ever tried to do in the past, so I'm guessing I've just lost the will to try. Orrrrr my luck has run out...)

I'm just... blank right now. I haven't the faintest idea why I'm even here in the first place. (Oh god, I'm glad Adam doesn't seem to be around here anymore or he'd probably start in on one of his philosophy spiels...) I don't even remember what I used to write about in here (before I deleted everything... yes, even my post about the Gackt concert ;_; ) because honestly, my life has never been all that eventful, thanks to me developing terrible shyness after sixth grade. (I went through puberty and all I got was this lousy T-shirt social anxiety... yeah, I don't know, either.) I DO remember writing about how I felt like I was drowning in a whirlpool one day. XD Ahhh, the days when I used to think I was a poet. *sigh*

Maybe I should take up creative writing again. Maybe I should write about my daily life as a way to remind myself of how static my life is right now and to keep me focused (or shamed into!) changing that. Maybe I should just use this as a Japanese journal, since I'd really like to not completely lose the little bit that I know. Maybe I should just quit worrying about anything meaningful and join every cosplay and Jpop and Kpop community and gush about costumes and sewing and TVXQ all day long. Maybe I will put this to a vote. Hah. Maybe I will just drop off the face of Livejournal again.

...

Well, there's probably going to be one more costuming post, at least. These costumes are going to be far too ~*fabulous*~ for that NOT to happen. >D

I FINALLY figured out how to tie a butterfly obi. Thanks, YouTube!

We did pretty much the same routine today as yesterday, so I was actually able to follow along pretty well! ^_^ The only new thing was some weird, confusing dance to... wait for it... wait for it... that "woop woop" song! LMAO.

Also, yet MORE people from SHS were there working out. Including the guy who went to the same college as I did, also worked in the library, and also happened to be there when I was dressed like a dork for the midnight showing of the last Harry Potter movie. Stop following me!! :O

I won $5 from my box of Cheerios today. 1 in 10 odds ain't that bad, but I'm quite the unlucky one so I was hella surprised to discover the cash card in there.

And that was probably the best part of my day. Seriously.
Laaaaaame. <3

Also, I'm scared to death about Friday. (Friday = first run-through of the script for the kidz day show) If I'm already freaking out now, how in the name of Yevon am I going to make it to the day of the show? -_- Yeah, exactly.

I need:
-To stop guilt-tripping myself into doing things for other people
-To stop worrying about things I've already guilt-tripped myself into doing xD
-To have a tag sale soon (seriously, I need to get these heaps of junk out of here and some extra monies into my pocket)
-To sell Galinda to the guy who offered to buy her (FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF) ;_;
-To get to sleep now so I can wake up for the weekly 5am ritual of calling the gym and registering for this damn class

Oh gosh, that song from class is stuck in my head right now. BTW Jay, you missed an awesome class today. It was kind of empty tonight somehow, not as crowded (maybe people didn't want to brave the rain?), the teacher kept making fun of us for not being as hyper as her, and she taught us loads of new dances that neither Brenda nor I could do but EVERY OTHER PERSON in the room could... :/ Including the pregnant woman. :O But at least you didn't have to worry about the tower of step platforms in the corner suddenly falling over during class and almost hitting us... or the guy in the parking lot who almost ran me over with his car and actually hit Brenda (okay, he was backing up at about 2mph, but still) and then proceeded to stare at us while we went inside, and even afterward. O_o Yep, 'twas some crazy stuff goin' on... I mean, as crazy as a trip to the gym could possibly get, I suppose.

Also, it was... awkward... seeing people that I went to SHS with at the gym. I dunno why that weirds me out, but it does. (I hope they didn't recognize me, but seeing as I haven't changed much since high school, I think the odds of that are rather dismal.)

Hmm, I think Sara wants to go to NYC sometime over spring break... fabric shopping, here we come! Get your haggling caps on! (WTH?) FOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

I *really* hope this Wizard of Oz themed cosplay goes through this year. It'd be so hilarious and even the library peeps would love it because they'd actually recognize it! And hey, I even found yellow brick road patterned fabric for around $8/yard online... *wink wink* And hurrah for "screaming flying monkeys!"

I'm still not even finished with half of the beading on the belt I'm making for my main costume, though, so perhaps I should worry about that for now. Urgh. At the moment, I'm kicking myself for making the brilliant suggestion of hand-beading this shizzle. However, I know the end result will look quite awesome... at least, from a distance... under bright light... to people with less than stellar vision...? *cough* I'm sorry, I just spent a little time doing a few more rows of beading and I'm already feeling sick of it. Yeah, great progress I'm making here. -_-

On a more serious note, these days I find that I'm berating myself more and more for what I chose to study and major in at uni. Of course, I'm also starting to become convinced that I'm just not cut out for the academic/professional life and any degree that I have or will ever possibly have is going to be useless to me. Yes, I've always been quite good at school, but only because I learn things quickly and have an extremely good short-term memory. I'm horrible at applying the things I learn, which, coupled with my lack of ambition and extreme shyness, means I'm pretty much doomed when it comes to ever finding an actual career. Sadly, though, I just don't care about that so much. I want to be able to fill my life with things I enjoy, rather than slaving away for the sake of lofty academic ideals or even the betterment of the world (selfish much?) because really, how much of a difference could I possibly make, anyway?

But even as I write this, there is that minuscule nagging voice inside my head that tells me I could be doing so much more, that I'm wasting my potential. I think it's the voices of so many teachers I've had throughout the years all blended into one... if only they could see how I turned out in the end...

Well, that was depressing, sorry. ^^; Tomorrow is another day to decide that I'm going to cultivate some ambitions that don't involve me becoming a crazy cat lady (ewk cats) or a hikikomori... :/

I know I'm totally late to the party on this, but being home sick I've been watching various things on Youtube... and I've stumbled upon the anime, Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei. And omigosh, I'm hooked. The show is total crack... I mean, all the students are named after different social issues/stereotypes in Japan and anime and are completely psychotic for the most part. You've got the eternally optimistic girl who can't actually see the truth of what's going on around her, the OCD-ish girl who needs everything to be perfect, the doujinshi-drawing yaoi fangirl, the foreign girl who sues everyone for sexual harassment (and also happens to be the requisite panty shot character, lol), the stalker girl, and my personal favorites: the social recluse and the girl who only communicates through email... among others. And of course, you have their teacher who tries to hang himself in almost every episode.

It's such a ridiculous show that parodies a lot of things, but in it's own way it's kind of insightful as well. Although it's mainly just hilarious to me. (The opening animation freaks me the hell out, though.) Of course, this all may just be the medication talking...

Wow, it's been awhile since I've actually felt like watching an anime, or listening to Arashi, or... yeah, I think I'm regressing. -_-;

Also, I hope I feel better tonight, at least well enough to go to yoga class. I still haven't been and I really wanted to start tonight. Guess it's back to bed for me until then.

My computer is supposed to reset the time automatically for Daylight Saving, but it totally didn't. So I've been sitting here thinking it's only 8:30 when it's really an hour later. >_<

Katie, come give me your stomach virus now! I don't want to go to work tomorrow! I want to stay home eating Trader Joe-san's (lol) edamame and veggie chips and devise a way to turn my red shoes silver for the premiere of The Wiz... which, I suppose would be rather hard to accomplish while I'm puking my guts out, so, uh, I'll just stop now...

motoki_kun got a part in The Wiz! Hurrah! Bridgepo't rocks! And Motoki rocks at dancing and singing!
Too bad we couldn't celebrate with pie-cake and ice cream, though. :( Damn pseudo-Lenten-health and fitness giving up of sweets.

Okay, better start saving up for these (expensive!) tickets now, hah... B-port be gettin' swanky with this playhouse, eh? Oh god I don't know I'm tiiiiired...

^_^

Hurrah, snow day today! At least, I *think* so... no one seems to be answering the phone at my place of employment and the uni website says all offices are closed, so hmm. It'd be nice if i could get on the email list so I could be notified when we're closing like everyone else. :/ I could go on an entire tirade here about how much my status at my job sucks (I've been working here how many years and I'm still probably never going to become a regular staff member WTF I guess I just suck that much) but I'm going to stop there. ^^;

Well, I know how I'll be whiling the day away... *curls up on bed with a bag of beads and long-ass fabric belts* Four rows of beading down, only... 105 to go!

March 12th. No ballet class! Going to Zumba! Call to sign up the morning of the 11th! Party! IDK!

I missed ballet class today because of stupid female problems (grr I abhor my body) so I can't use my ballet icon. And I'm disappointed because apparently they learned pique turns today and I am terrible at turns so I could have used the practice. Bah.

At least I learned that no one is ever around on adult ballet night to, y'know, sign people in or sell them class cards, so we will probably end up getting more classes for free, bwahaha. *knocks desperately on wood*

And I could use the extra money because today I signed up for a gym membership. XD This is hilarious to me; I'm so not the athletic type... I'm not even fit... which is why I need to go to the gym in the first place. Although I basically joined for the dance and yoga classes offered there, because the gym itself is slightly creepy and intimidating. I'm supposed to be getting a free personal training session, too, but I may end up just canceling that because, well, I only joined for the classes. I don't need to learn how to use the machines by the creepy guy who signed me up in the first place.

In any case, I'm hoping going to the gym and exercising will help me sleep better at night and boost my mood a bit... as well as making me sexier for supah sweet cosplay in the summer! XD Mmm stretch satin...

...I saw my old friend from the library today! He used to work there over the summer when I did a few years ago, and I hadn't seen him since then. What's really freaky is that I was just thinking about him today, wondering what he's doing now (he's a freakin' genius with a degree in physics) and if he'd ever come back to visit the ol' library (really, who would want to? XD). Soon afterwards, while I was on my way to lunch, I passed by Sharon and some really tall guy on the way to the other Sharon's office, and when the guy started waving to me I was like "WTF, who the heck-- omigosh it's him!" It literally took me ten seconds to recognize him. And then Sharon laughed at me even though she later admitted that she didn't recognize him at first, either. Probably because he cut his hair? Or maybe just because it's been a long-ass time since we'd seen him last.

Then I saw him leaving when I was in the middle of some tedious work and I wanted to yell, "Don't leave!" or just tell him goodbye or something but alas, I couldn't. (I should've, though, it quite likely would have sent all the librarians into fits of shock at me actually yelling. They were shocked enough at me telling them I hate bananas when they offered me one today (I don't even know where the freakin banana came from, it was so random): "Ohmigosh, you hate bananas?! We've never met anyone who didn't like bananas! That's so weird! We'll put the banana in the corner so you don't have to look at it." Yeah... -_- )

The BEST part of the day (and by best I mean lamest and most embarrassing) was when I was downstairs doing some work in the archives room. (I got new stuff to do at work now, yay!) The archives contain our RARE and OMGEXPENSIVE books and videos and shiz, along with millions (more or less) of less rare and expensive and the occasional useless outdated materials that people donate to us to keep for posterity or something. In any case, because of all the RARE and OMGEXPENSIVE things, this room is for staff members only (except I'm not actually an official staff member, lolz) and has to be locked at all times. Since I was waiting for my boss at the moment to come back I left the door unlocked figuring that no one would come in anyway... so of course, some kid wanders in and starts meandering around the shelves like he owns the place. I was about to tell him off when I thought that he could perhaps be a student who worked at the library that I didn't know and since I didn't want to embarrass myself by making a mistake, I let him wander in there for a while (stupid!). He finally asked if he could look at some of the things on the shelves (like check them out) and I FINALLY realized that he was, in fact, a random student, and got him out of there. Then I locked the door. XD (I could have gotten into serious trouble for letting him get in there in the first place. Eep.)

Ballet class tomorrow! ^.^ Although the fact that it will no longer be free of charge is just a little more daunting... bah having to buy 10-class cards. :/ Hopefully the class will be worth it though, even if it isn't CLS's awesome class. <3


*Actually, a bunch of library peeps pooled their cash to buy a bunch of tickets, and we won $14. Total. HAHAHA.

No, actually, I don't. Sewing things together is pretty fun. It's all the prep work that I loathe. ESPECIALLY the search for suitable fabrics. Since fabric stores around here are pretty much worthless for most things, I have to resort to online shopping and people not representing their fabrics correctly and colors looking wonky on my computer screen and having to pay shipping just to order a TINY swatch and argh.

Current peeve: Why the hell are there multiple types of stretch satin fabric?! I did not know this before... now I have to track down an impossible to find yellow-green color AND make sure it's the exact same type of fabric as everyone else's in the group.

TL;DR: I'm screwed.

At least Brenda is progressing better than I expected with the beading practice. Even though we really didn't get much done today. ^_^;;

I totally want to cosplay as these two with someone one day:







I mean, who wouldn't wanna wear poofy, clown-pants bodysuits? Hey, at least they're not skintight catsuits. *cough*

Man, FFIV has the bestest character designs...




Oh god, I'm teaching Brenda to "sew" tomorrow (it's actually beading, since each of our costumes requires about 2000 beads to be attached by hand; no way in hell will Jay and I be doing that by ourselves). This oughta be an interesting endeavor, seeing as I've never beaded anything before. XD Maybe I shall also go to Trader Joe's for the first time ever and pick up some "Sticky Rice Snacks." Mmm, weaboo goodness. Helps to ease the pain of hand beading shizzle. At least I hope so...

Oh snap, panel applications are beginning to roll in for CTcon, apparently, but I am too lazy to fill out such loooooong forms at the moment. Heh. Anyway, I need to wait for the staff to come to a decision about some things, first. At least now I'm only 25% sure that they're going to take my pre-reg money and run... ;)

So, my brother recently (read: last night) found out that the dance school in our ghetto town has finally started offering adult ballet classes. We took a free class tonight to try it out, and it was pretty fun. There were only five people in the class, including us two, and that was considered a big class, heh. It was a more laid back class than what I was used to at NHB and the dance center in Trumbull, which is hard to fathom seeing as those adult classes aren't really strict. I suppose the teacher being a young guy around my brother's age (I guess?) and the fact that we danced to rather eclectic music (not classical for once!) may have contributed to that, though. And the last piece of music for center work was positively hoe-down-riffic! I loved it. :) Then again, any place where the instructor doesn't call me "chicken arms" and doesn't seem to be high during class while putting you in a high risk for injury is good with me. XD

I just wish this school wasn't one of those places where the focus appears to be attending as many competitions as possible with their child dancers in hopes of racking up random awards... ugh, and the studio we were in had all these random trophies in the back that said "Diva" on them... what the hell? (As well as fake skeleton pieces on a shelf... yeah, I guess that dance room is where they store their various crap? lol.) Regardless, it was nice to get exercise again and also not be forced to wear standard regulation leotard and tights (uuuggggh).

Funniest moment by far was at the end of class when one of the other women in the class was leaving the room. She walked by Jay and me and said jokingly something like, "Aw, the real dancers showed up this time and made us look bad." Haha, maybe my brother is a "real" dancer, but if this lady only knew that I can't even touch my toes while stretching... to put it lamely: yeah, just no.

Oh shit, I hope we don't ever have to stretch together as a class... must get more flexible... go go!

http://i263.photobucket.com/albums/ii153/GunstarVixen/1233826969082.jpg
(Anyone recognize the teeny, tiny picture of Maria Renard near the center?)
XD

I actually got into Cosmode. The blonde wig must've helped.
Now I feel quite bad for neglecting my cosplay.com account. ^^; Must rectify that in the coming months...

I've grown too attached to this ridiculous account to make a new one, so I'm back. I REALLY want to write here again, but after such a long time of neglecting to do so, I'm kind of afraid to start again. Plus, my life is totally boring and uninspiring. But maybe I NEED to see how boring and uninspiring my life is IN WORDS in order for me to change anything about it.

...

Also, I'm refusing to acknowledge the fact that today is a holiday so no Happy Valentine's Day wishes for you. :)~